My place?

First probation meeting.

I’m having an induction with 10 or so lads and two nice girls are explaining the rules: be polite, turn up on time, no swearing, no using your phone in meetings, stay at this address every night as you are under restrictions from the court/prison etc.

One young lad chirps up with:

“OI OI Oi for fuck sake, if I’m out drinking, if I want to go back with a bird I can’t go back to her place and that?”

I’m thinking how many guidelines he has broken with his first query, but they did not specifically say no to asking moronic questions. Which surely must be their main drain on their time

“No, you can’t go back with anyone to another address that is what the Judge has decreed” A perfectly sensible reply from the probation staff.

I consider two things when I heard his comment. The first I choose not to share with the young miscreant which is plainly:

“You are an ugly bastard and chance would be a fine thing.”

The second, I do share this with him:

“Mate,” I’m so street me “you just need to be aware when you ask ‘my place or yours?’ that there is only one answer”

He seemed appreciative.  I’m relieved given the size of his tattooed forearms.

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